As an adult male, I have found it hard to talk about and express my feelings some times. You know, men don’t have feelings, or emotions, or cry etc.
Well that’s just crap.
The other day, while flicking through my nemesis, social media, I saw something that shocked me. Part of my child hood had died, and it made me instantly fall apart inside and cry. I don’t mean a little cry. I mean soul sucking cry.
My parent’s got divorced when I was young. It’s life. As a child you don’t always get the full picture, so you are left slightly in the dark, till you get to that age when you fully undertsand why things happened, and why they did in the way they did.
Let’s just say I’m a hell of a lot closer to my dad now, and sometimes feel a prick for not knowing the bigger picture, but that’s how we live and learn.
He’s an a amzing dad, well loved, and an amazing grandad, who Magoo adores. So is a nanny, if anyone is wondering ( shes my step mom, but shes nanny, and shes loved dearly too).
Anyways, the crying.
My best friend as a kid, from the ages of whenever I can remember, to say 12 (we were still mates, but took different paths and friendship groups), had awesome parents. His dad was a great influence on what I did as a small boy. His mom was the same.
I’m talking a big influence. Like I have hours and hours of stories of our young lives I could tell. But his dad died when we were about 18/19. I didn’t find this out till a few years later, and it got me in the heart strings then.
I found out, through a post on social media, that his sister (I’m not in touch with him anymore) had posted, that their mother had passed away a week previously, from this horrible world wide pandemic disease.
I saw the post, the exceptionally heart felt post, from a daughter, to a loving mother, and I broke down. Oddly, I instantly thought a part of my childhood had gone.
I’m not going into amazing detail, as it’s not my place.
But I will tell you of one incident, not long after my parents split up.
I spent many hours at their house. They lived on a quieter road, and all of us kids back then, used to play together, in the street, or at someones house and garden.
As a younger kid, who has no clue whats going on in the world, you feel lost, and I felt more than lost, as I also felt abandoned.
We had been playing a game of darts in their garage when I broke down, I have no idea why.
My friend called his mom, as I was bawling my eyes out.
This is the part I have never forgotten.
His mom came and gave me a massive hug. Like a bear hug, but one you would give your own kid, not some one elses. She held me and told me, that I was an amazing kid, a good kid, and that I was loved, no matter what, that both my parents loved me, and that is was all going to be ok. That I was welcome there whenever I needed to go.
You have no idea as a small kid, who had lost everything that they once knew, how amazing this felt to hear.
I wish I would have stayed in closer touch through the years, but like I said, thats life.
The rest of her story isn’t really for me to mention, but I can say, she was loved, is loved, not just by me, but by lots of other people.
And I shall miss her
Mrs Hall….thankyou x.